Finding Solace
by wibblywobblywesteros
Summary: Elaine's powers have done nothing but make her life miserable. Maybe Logan can help. Very sappy romantic story. Not much adventure, and probably a bit unlikely. But the story has been sitting here on my computer for quite a while and I figured it couldn't hurt to share it. Rated Mature.


The woods of Alberta Canada made as good a hiding place as any. It was here that Logan felt most at home. He told himself that he preferred being alone here in the wilderness. That it was safer for everyone if he stayed away from people. He would never admit how lonely he was. That cool morning he awoke hot blooded. There was a woman nearby in these woods, he could smell her. He wanted her. Immediately he began following the scent. It had been a long time since he'd been with a woman. He'd been in this forest for nearly a year and had been too busy helping the Avengers in the years previous to have time for romance. As he came up over the top of a hill, he saw her. She was red haired, petite, probably just five feet tall. She appeared to be around thirty years old, blue grey eyes, full figured, very pretty but not the sort of woman he usually was attracted to. Somehow none of that mattered. His body was aching with need. He approached her as she washed an object in the stream at her feet. She heard a twig snap beneath his feet and stood to face him, eyes wide with fear. He was only a few feet away when trembling she uttered one word.

"Don't."

Logan took one step back, sick with the realization of what he'd been about to do. He stared at her for a moment, unsure what to even say. "I'm sorry...I…" He didn't know what had caused him to act like such a beast.

She shook her head, still shaking. "It's not entirely your fault. I have a certain effect on men. Pheromones. You should go before it's too late."

"Now that I know, I won't hurt you. My name is Logan."

"I'm Elaine. You're a mutant too?" She asked, still wary of him.

He sat down on a nearby log, trying to put her at ease. "Yeah. I take it you're out here trying to stay away from men."

"It's the only way to be safe. What brings you out here?" She knelt back down and resumed washing her cooking pot.

"A lot of things. If you're asking about my abilities though, I have heightened senses. I could smell you here. I'm also pretty hard to kill."

Elaine glanced up at him, surprised. "So am I. My injuries heal quickly. And I'm much older than I look."

Logan nodded. "I was born in 1891. You?"

"1911."

"There aren't many like us. Want some company for a while?" He offered.

"I don't know if that's a good idea." She said hesitantly.

"Look, I've calmed down from your pheromones. I won't hurt you."

"Others have said that too. In the end they always give in…"

"And I thought my life was bad…" Logan commented. "You must have learned how to fight them off after all these years?"

She gave him a look. "Look at me. I'm five foot and one inch tall. Even if I could fight off a man twice my size, it's not as if he's just trying to mug me. I produce these horrible fucking pheromones that will make him want me more if I touch him in a fight. They keep him coming back until he's either unconscious or dead. I have to carry a gun and stay away from people." She brushed away her tears with the back of her hand.

"So why am I still over here on this log?" Logan said. "Shouldn't have I already taken you by now."

"I don't know. There was one mutant, Irving, who was immune to my powers many years ago. He died. Maybe you are like him." There was a bit of hope in her voice.

"I'm not immune, but I can fight it."

"I hope that's true, because I won't be able to stop you if you're wrong."

"My camp is a mile from here. It's better hidden than yours. If you're as experienced in the woods as I think you are, you can find it. I'll be cooking meat tonight. If you're hungry, I'll share." Logan got up and started back the way he came.

"Logan." Elaine called after him. He turned to face her. "Thank you."

That evening as the sun set, Logan could smell and hear Elaine's approach. He was a little surprised that she was coming to him at all, given the danger he posed to her. She admitted already that she wasn't a good fighter and that the only way to stop most of her attackers was to shoot them. Yet she knew that he couldn't be killed and that he wasn't entirely immune to her powers. He hadn't actually expected her to come in spite of hoping that she would.

"What's cooking?" Elaine asked, as she sat down by his fire, placing a large sack of things she had carried on the ground next to her.

"It's elk. What's all that?"

"I packed up my camp. I don't like to leave stuff behind. Sometimes hunters find it and wait for me to come back. That never turns out well." She told him.

Logan passed her a chunk of cooked meat and they ate in silence. Observant as he was, he didn't miss the fact that she was still afraid of him. She was visibly shaken and avoiding looking at him. He wondered what had possessed her to face her fears this way.

"Can I ask you a question?" He finally said.

"Okay." Elaine tentatively agreed.

"What made you come here? You know that I'm not immune to your powers and that you can't kill me if you needed to stop me. So why would you come, hunger?"

"No, not hunger. I have smoked rabbit and lots of fish in that stream." She said, avoiding a real answer.

"I know you're still afraid of me. I don't blame you for that." He said, letting the question drop.

"I'm always afraid. It's just part of my life. I guess I shouldn't be. After being raped so many times it seems like I'd be used to it, numb to it...but I'm not…" Elaine said with a faraway look.

Logan reached for another piece of meat and passed it to her. Their fingers touched and he saw her eyes widen with fear as he felt his body fill with renewed desire. She wrenched her hand away from his, waiting with worry for his next move. He took a few deep breaths before speaking.

"I said I wouldn't hurt you. I meant it."

"No one's ever done that before." Elaine said in almost a whisper. "No one except Irv, has ever touched me and not taken it further."

"Let me try it again." Logan said. "I wanna know once and for all if you're safe around me or not."

Her mouth dropped open at his suggestion.

"If I go too far," Logan went on, "Shoot me in the head and run. I'll be unconscious for about 45 seconds, longer if you shoot me a bunch of times."

"You're faster than I am. And you can smell where I went. This is a bad idea."

"Don't you want to know? Or do you want to just keep being afraid for the rest of your life?"

Hesitantly, she reached out a trembling hand for his. He took it and held on tightly, closing his eyes. He breathed deeply for a long while, trying to get hold of his emotions and hormones. Elaine sat with baited breath, wondering if she would need to shoot him and run. She realized in those moments that she didn't want to shoot him. Not just because it would be another violent shooting on her conscience, but because she actually liked him. She'd never had the opportunity to have a normal friendship or relationship with any man in her life. She knew that her powers were the reason for that, but it still didn't make it easy to go through life without ever knowing kindness from a man. Several minutes passed and Logan opened his eyes. He saw that Elaine's face was covered with tears.

"You're safe. If I were going to hurt you, I certainly would have done it by now." He said.

"I know." She said, bursting into tears. She slid off the log that had been her seat and sat on the ground, curling up so her knees were at her chin as she sobbed uncontrollably. Logan got up and moved to sit beside her, putting one arm around her shoulders. She leaned closer to him, letting him embrace her.

He still wanted her, but it was under control now. He pulled Elaine onto his lap and hugged her close to his chest. She didn't resist him. Her hands clung to his shirt and slowly she began to relax in his arms.

"You okay?" He asked her once she was quiet.

"I've never been held like this before." She said looking up at him.

"Not even by this Irving guy you mentioned?"

"No. Irving was a scientist and he was gay. He was trying to cure me. Obviously he failed."

They sat in silence for a long while until Elaine eventually fell asleep in his arms. Logan leaned back on the log behind them and went to sleep as well. He awoke still holding her tightly and saw the momentary flash of fear in her eyes when she awoke and found him hard beneath her. Immediately, he let her go and she nearly jumped off of him in her attempt to get away quickly. He stayed where he was on the ground and watched her internal struggle. She wanted to flee as much as she wanted to stay and calm herself.

"Elaine," He said calmly. "It's okay."

She stood there, staring at the embers of the fire and struggling to calm her panic. "I'm sorry...I'm not very good with trust."

"I can't blame you there." Logan said, standing up. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He headed for the woods. Elaine headed in the opposite direction to do her own business. By the time she returned, Logan was already back and working on building up the fire. Elaine sat down across from him.

"So, should I go back to my own camp?" She asked.

"Do you want to?" He countered.

"I don't know." Was her honest answer.

"It will be winter soon. Two people can gather more firewood than one."

She nodded, still saying nothing she took a book from her bag and began to read.

"How do you gather enough food if you just sit and read like that all day?" Logan asked her several hours later.

"I have snares set. I'll check them later. Besides, I probably don't need as much food as you do."

"Good point. Where are these snares? I'll check them for you."

She gave him directions to her snares and he set off in that direction. When she heard someone coming back towards the camp she didn't even look up from her book until he was almost upon her. It wasn't Logan, and her gun was on the other side of the fire. The hunter was on top of her tearing her clothes off before she could even attempt to resist. She screamed when he forced himself inside her and bit his hand when he tried to silence her. It wasn't enough. He was simply too strong for her. They always were. Even so, she never stopped struggling, not until she saw the blood and Logan's claws piercing out through the hunter's chest. The attacker was picked up off of her, his body hurled at the trunk of a nearby tree. Logan stood over the man and watched him die. Filled with fury and anger, he took time to catch his breath before turning to Elaine. Her clothes were torn, she was covered in blood and clearly shaken. She curled up her body, knees to her chin and hugged herself. Logan retracted his claws but didn't move from where he stood.

"I'm sorry." He said after a long silence. "I shouldn't have left you here."

A sob escaped her throat as well as a few tears escaping her eyes. "It wasn't your fault. The fault is mine for just being alive. I bring out the worst in men."

"Not in me." He moved and sat down next to her, not touching her.

"You could kill me." Elaine said, her tone hopeful rather than fearful. "If I were beheaded, I couldn't regenerate...those claws…"

"No." Logan said firmly. "I won't do that."

"I don't want to live anymore. Please?"

Logan didn't answer her right away. He knew what it was to wish for death and be unable to have it. Though he had long ago realized that it was peace he wanted more than death, perhaps she wanted something similar.

"What do you want more than death?" He finally asked.

"I don't know. Maybe just to be free of the pheromones. To be safe….no it isn't just about safety...if I go deeper into the woods I would be safe." Elaine said.

"But you'd be alone." Logan said, understanding what was troubling her.

She nodded.

"Do you have female friends?" He asked. "Someone who could stay with you in the wilderness?"

"I tried that twice. The first became ill after three years and when I tried to go for help, I had to kill the doctor. She died too in the end. The second fell in love with a trapper and I made her leave and live a normal life. I can't put myself through that again."

Logan had been about to say something when a noise caught his attention. "Hear that?"

She listened for a moment. "No, your hearing is better than mine."

"Someone's coming. We need to pack up and get out of here."

Quickly, they put out their fire, packed up their gear and left the campsite. Logan led the way. They walked for several hours, deeper into the woods, stopping only a few times for water.

"We've lost them." He finally said towards evening. "I hear water ahead. We'll find it and make camp there."

They worked silently setting up their camp. Neither of them had an especially talkative personality so both were very comfortable with long silences. The two of them worked well together, each taking tasks to help one another without ever communicating what needed to be done.

Elaine was lost in thought as they sat by the fire and ate that evening. She had never spent this long in the presence of any man, especially not unharmed. Earlier that day this man had killed her attacker and the night before he had held her in his arms as she fell asleep. She had never known what it felt like to be cared for until the last couple of days. Maybe it wasn't just that, maybe she was beginning to care for him too.

"What?" Logan asked, catching her staring at him from where she sat next to him.

"Why are you helping me?" She responded.

"Seems like people like us should stick together."

"Mutants you mean?"

"Not just mutants. We both can regenerate. We've outlived all our friends and we'll outlive them again. If I keep you around, you aren't going to die on me."

"So that's why you won't kill me?" She asked.

"I won't kill you because you don't actually want to die."

"How can you know that? I don't even know that."

He reached for her hand and took it in his. "Tell me, what do you feel when I hold your hand?"

Elaine opened her mouth but found she didn't have words to answer him.

"How many times have you been hugged by a man in your life?" He went on.

She swallowed. "Just once. Last night."

"Let me hug you again and then tell me what you really want."

Elaine nodded and Logan pulled her into his arms and onto his lap the same way they had slept the night before. She was stiff, but she didn't resist him. "Relax, I'm still in control, not your pheromones." He said gently. He felt her body begin to relax, her head lay on his chest and her breathing slowed.

"Do you still want to die?" He asked her.

"No." She sobbed. "I don't want to die. But please don't leave me!"

He squeezed her a little tighter. "I won't."

They slept embraced that night just as they had done the night before. Elaine woke before Logan did the next morning but she didn't panic this time. She stayed where she was, breathing in his scent, enjoying the closeness. She had never felt so safe or cared for in her entire life. Logan woke up and found her staring at him. He let go of her, giving her a chance to flee if she needed to. To his surprise, she didn't move.

"I don't think I could shoot you now." Elaine said, meeting his eyes. "I wouldn't even try to stop you."

"Are you sure?"

She responded by kissing him. He kissed her in return, deeply and longingly, exploring her mouth with his tongue and her body with his hands. He didn't try to remove her clothes. She'd had them ripped off of her so many times in her life that he thought it best to wait for her to take them off herself. In time she did. She took off his clothes too and he let her be on top of him, giving her control of the situation. In the end they found themselves breathless and cuddling naked on the forest floor.

"Have you ever done that willingly before?" Logan asked her, moving her hair out of her eyes.

"No, I haven't." She admitted. "There's a lot of things I hadn't done until I met you. I hadn't been kissed either."

"Really? None of them…?"

"They didn't. Doctor Irving thought that the strength of my pheromones brought out primal tendencies. He had another theory too. Maybe now we can find out if he was right." She said with sudden realization.

"What theory?"

"After getting raped, the amount of pheromones in my body is always slightly lessened. He thought that if I were to have a partner willingly and if I were able to climax...that maybe I'd release them all and have a few days or weeks that it would be safe for me to go out in public until they are built up again." Elaine explained.

"There's only one way to find out." Logan said, reaching for his clothes.

The two of them got dressed, packed up their camp and began heading back towards civilization. As they came in sight of the nearest town, Logan took her hand.

"If this doesn't work, how bad will it get?" He asked.

"Bad. Anyone within a twenty foot radius will notice me. Sometimes they kill each other to get to me, sometimes they just try to tear me apart."

"I'm not gonna let you get hurt. And I don't want to kill anyone if I can help it, but I _will _keep you safe, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. She trusted him to do as he said.

By the time they reached the main streets of the town, the men in proximity had noticed her. They oggled her and watched her lustfully as if she were a supermodel but none of them approached her or made any move to even hit on her.

"I would say your doctor's theory was right." Logan said as they reached the parking lot of the town's only motel. "Let's stay the night and see what happens tomorrow."

They checked into the hotel and the first thing Elaine did was to go take a shower. She came into the room wearing a robe and found Logan sprawled out on the bed watching cable TV, a beer on the nightstand next to him. A worrying thought began to play around in her mind. She sat in the chair next to the bed and began to comb her hair.

"Hey!" Logan spoke up, "I'm getting wet over here."

The water from her comb had been sprinkling on to him as she hurried with her hair. She stopped combing for a moment, then gave him a mischievous look. Then she stood and shook out her hair as a wet dog might dry its fur. Logan made a noise that was something between a growl and a roar. He jumped off the bed and stood in front of her.

"What the hell?" He said, then began to laugh. She laughed with him. Then she took one step closer to him and hugged him, wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could. Logan returned her hug, holding her close to him for a long time before finally picking her up and tossing her gently onto the bed.

He joined her there, kissing her while he untied her robe at the same time. She sighed into his kisses and snuggled a little closer to him. "Logan?" She whispered, pulling away just slightly. "How do I know this is real?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you being with me, what if it's just the pheromones keeping you here?"

"It isn't." He said.

"How do you know?" She asked, worried.

"You said they brought out primal tendencies." He kissed her slowly and gently. "There's nothing primal about that. I don't want to fuck you or ever hurt you. I want to see you be safe and protected and...loved. Trust me, this is real."

Elaine couldn't stop the tears that came. She snuggled close to him again as he resumed kissing her.

Late in the night Logan awoke to an empty bed. The light was on in the bathroom so he waited a moment for Elaine to return. Then he heard her, she was crying but the sound was muffled. He got up and went to the door, knocking lightly on it before opening it. Elaine was curled up in the empty bathtub, her face buried in a pillow to muffle the sound of her sobs.

"Elaine?"

She glanced up at him, but said nothing.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared Logan. No, I'm more than scared, I'm fucking terrified."

"Of what?" He wondered if there was some threat that she hadn't mentioned yet.

"Of what I feel." She admitted.

He nodded, understanding her fears more than she realized. "Come on out of there. You're just gonna get wet again." He said indicating the dripping showerhead.

She let him help her out of the tub and followed him back to bed.

"You're not wrong to trust me." He said as she settled under the blankets. "And you're not wrong to worry about losing someone you care about."

"Really? Because, I don't really know what to expect. I've never cared about anyone until now."

"I know." He reached for her and pulled her close. "One hundred and twenty years old and never been loved."

Her eyes met his as she wondered if there was a deeper meaning behind his words or if he was going to say more.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too, Logan." Elaine said.


End file.
